You Deserve Happiness and Success!
Do you ever have something living in your head rent free?
Do you keep going over a conversation that you had with someone, time and time again without any real resolution?
I have one interaction that keeps coming back. Resurfacing into my current thoughts. It bothers me and annoys me and upsets me, all at the same time.
Mean and Hateful Comments
The conversation happened over four years ago. During the early days of the covid pandemic. Not long after my mother had passed away, when I was devoting most of my time to sorting through her possessions.
Someone who was once very dear to me, who I had known my whole life and I had expected them to remain a part of my life forever, accused me of abandoning my roots. It was said in such a mean and hateful way that in that moment I was taken back by the outburst.
They meant that I had turned my back on my past.
I insisted that I had not, and that they were wrong. I was adamant that I had never turned my back on anything.
Wondering If They Were Right
Nowadays I keep wondering that perhaps to some degree I have abandoned my roots, and I think that is okay.
I think that it is okay not to define yourself by a past that is no longer a part of who you are today.
Wholeheartedly I believe that when we aspire to overcome a really difficult situation, we should celebrate our progress and not allow others to drag us back down, because of their feelings towards us, and the progress we have made. Perhaps even feelings of jealousy.
The person who said I had abandoned my roots, meant that I had turned my back on everyone, that I was acting like a snob. That I was acting posh and “above it all.”
I really disagree with that.
Decision Time
I must decide if I am going to keep revisiting this outburst in my head. One where I will never receive a satisfactory resolution. Alternatively, am I going to put it in the past, where it belongs, and move on.
I am going to move onwards.
I am going to live my life the way that I see fit.
My actions will never please that person. Never will I be enough for them, or the “right” kind of person they want in their life.
I may never see that person again. Which makes me sad at the loss and in a whole host of other ways.
I wish that person well and hope that they find happiness and contentment. I send my love out into the world and hope that they find the peace and the love in their life, that they deserve. Above all I hope that they find true happiness and that they become the best version of themselves and find true joy.
Crash and Burn
Do you have people in your life that are not really cheering you on? People that not so secretly hope you fail, so that they can have the satisfaction of seeing it all crash and burn?
Give yourself the permission that you never really needed, to let them go.
Be done with them and their negativity.
Take all the energy that you were spending just trying to appease them and focus it on the good things in your life.
Permit Yourself
I give myself permission to be okay with not being poor.
What a weird sentence.
Why on earth would I need give myself permission to not be poor? It seems absurd.
Logically it feels silly but I needed to do this.
Previously I have felt embarrassed or bad about having a bit more than others.
I felt guilty about going on a nice holiday or spending money on services. I felt like I was being judged for buying nicer clothes or better-quality food. I even felt guilty when we got the car washed instead of washing it ourselves.
That is silly. To my core I know that it is absurd.
We have worked extremely hard to get to this point in our financial journey.
Being mindful and careful with what money we spend, for the activities we do and for the things that we have.
We work hard so that our children have a great environment, free from debt and financial worry.
Yet, I would still feel bad, because others did not have what I had.
The Weight of Poverty
Yes, I grew up poor. Grew up poor and had to grow up fast.
It was truly horrible.
A childhood filled with the weight of poverty.
Childhood filled with mess and anger and anxiety and mostly fear.
I was afraid. I was afraid ALL of the time.
So if those are my roots, and if I have forgotten my roots. Good. I am glad.
I permit myself to forget those roots.
Purposefully I have clawed my way out of that situation. It took my every being to make it out and to get to where I am today.
I worked incredibly hard at school to get average results. It is difficult to get great results when you work full time hours during the evenings and weekends to support yourself.
I did not have it easy.
Tonnes of people do not have it easy.
My reality was not unique.
It all Boils Down to Choice
It is the choices that we make, that get us to where we are today.
I am proud of the work and dedication and sacrifice that I have endured. Proud of the hardships that I have overcome.
I do wish that I never had to go through that. Unfortunately we cannot change the past. What happened has already happened. We must learn to live with it and overcome the hardships.
Remembering how I pretended that my clothes and shoes were okay so that my mum did not have the extra worry of finding money to buy replacements.
I knew never to ask for new things, because it simply was not possible. I got good at pretending that everything was okay, when it was far from the truth.
Pushed deep down inside the embarrassment I felt, when a kid in school saw I was wearing their hand me downs.
Learned to smile when I am nervous, and to be pleasant and agreeable, so that I could avoid as far as possible the anger of responsible adults.
Became a people pleaser.
Yes, I have endured trauma and those are my roots.
- I do not want to remember those roots.
- Let go of the fear.
- Release the memories.
- Overcome the memories of being utterly distraught.
Making the choice to move on from those types of roots. To move on from the fear, the discomfort, and the pain.
I am proud to have overcome that part of my life.
Outcomes
So yes, I wholeheartedly turn my back on my roots.
What I will not turn my back on, is the love I feel for those who do try their best. For those who have endured and those who continue to endure.
There will always be people who will want nothing more than for you to fail.
Do not despair.
Know that you are worthy of happiness and success, and that with hard work and determination you too can be successful.
Just because they have the louder voice does not make then the majority.
Know that you are worth it!
You are Worthy of a Great Life!
Worthy of happiness and joy and of everything that is good is this universe. Believe in yourself and take it one step at a time until you reach success.